Writerings

There are lots of things that I irrationally hate. Many of them would be good contenders if I ever got invited onto the TV show Room 101. But my first pick would be the phrase ‘this one’, specifically in online posts about a partner. You know, “Much needed weekend away with this one!”, “Can’t go anywhere with this one LOL”

I guess it is supposed to be cute, but is it? Somehow it suggests that this ‘one’ might be a character, (a charmer, a ruffian, a rogue) but also that they lack any other label. It is both bland and offensive. Also, potentially kind of belittling? Does it suggest that there are other ‘ones’?  Shows a lack of originality (or avoidance) in picking a cute nickname. 

Having said that, most cute nicknames make me gag a bit. Someone I am Facebook friends with always gives his girlfriends an emoji, normally a fruit or vegetable. In the ten years since I actually knew him (as opposed to periodically stalked online), he has dated a strawberry, a lemon, a cucumber and a spud. Hopefully the spud is ‘the one’. Otherwise, the list of fruit and vegetables looks like diminishing returns. 

Obviously aubergine is out of the question and by the same token, peach is too. Fruit has different characteristics, there are definitely sexy fruits and unsexy fruits. The reliable fruit bowl veterans (apples, oranges, bananas, pears) are solid, faithful choices. The summer fruits (raspberry, strawberry, cherry) are so named for summer romances. The exotic fruits (mango, papaya, jackfruit) are good choices for when you want to seem cultured by dating someone from abroad.

So, in conclusion, please make sure to include the full name of your partner in any social media post I may see. This also makes it easier to cross-reference their details across the internet.

Although maybe that is the point of ‘this one’ and I just know an absurd amount of people dating people in witness protection.